I Tried Group Sex & It’s Changed How I See Pleasure

This originally came about through necessity. Penetrative sex is quite a two-person-centred act and in a group setting, when you’re getting to know each other’s bodies, I’ve found it’s logistically easier to focus on all the lovely things you can do with your hands, mouths and toys, which helps reduce the chance of anyone feeling left out. Over time, this has grown into a preference for me in both group and partnered dynamics.

Penetration can be fun but it’s just one of many options and decentralizing penetration has been a big shift in how I experience pleasure in recent years. It’s something I encourage everyone to integrate into their sex lives, particularly if you or your partner(s) has a vulva. This 2015 US study involving 1,055 women aged between 18 and 94 found that 81.6% of women don’t orgasm from vaginal penetrative sex alone (though as we’ve established, the end goal isn’t orgasm but more an increase in pleasure overall). Once again, taking penetration off the table encourages my partners and me to think more creatively about how we approach sex, which leads to a lot more fun. There’s more fluidity to non-penetrative sex — ample opportunity to writhe and to focus on the body as a whole rather than concentrating all your attention on the genitals.